Quick Guide :
Target Audience
- Make sure the dating site is aimed at “your kind of people”.
- Try to get a feel for the mood of the users on the site.
- Are there enough members that come from your own location?
- Is the general age range of the members suited to you.
Number of Members
- The more members there are, the greater the selection there is for to you to choose from.
- Keep in mind that not all the users will be currently active.
Subscription Costs
- There’s no such thing as a completely free good dating service.
- Subscription costs are normally extremely good value for money.
- Try it for a month, and if you don’t like it, drop it!
- Remember that these small charges allow the dating site to grow, along with your enjoyment.
Free Trial Periods
- All good sites will offer a free trial period.
- Make use of these trial periods on as many sites as possible.
- You have nothing to lose by using a free trial!
Communication Features
- These include: mail, chat rooms, voice, video / webcam and mobile phones.
- Just because you don’t own a webcam or microphone yet, it doesn’t mean you won’t be tempted to get one in the future.
- You don’t need any of the above equipment to watch and listen to other members anyway!
Search Features
- Don’t rule out match making features, they’re often very good.
- If you don’t have a lot of time or you don’t have much luck in your own selections, then make sure the site you choose supports some form of match-making.
Offline Events
- Some of the larger sites will organize offline events for people to get together.
- These are always great fun and the right setting for meeting new people.
- They’re also perfect for moving your online relationships to offline, in safety.
- Again, you may not be too bothered about all this now, but always plan for the future!
Safety Tips First ::
Boring as it might be, the first thing you need to consider is your personal safety. One of the biggest strength of any online dating service is the anonymity that it provides. Unfortunately, however, this strength is also its biggest weakness. You will never completely know who you're interacting with until you've met and spent some real time with them. This can obviously be dangerous unless it's handled with real care and consideration. Several online chat rooms have closed because of this very reason.
However, I do believe that using online dating services can be safe and enjoyable, so long as you follow some simple rules and hold your own safety in the highest regard - above all else. If you have to make sacrifices because of this, then so be it. You will find that dating service members will appreciate you taking an interest in your safety, because it adds to the safety of the online dating service community as a whole.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but follow these points as a base:
- Never under any circumstances give out your personal details.
- If another member wants to talk to you by phone, then don't give out your number. Get the number of the person that wants to talk to you instead. Protect yourself.
- If you're not a skeptic, now's the time to become one. Question everything you read and hear.
- Never meet someone alone. Preferably go as a member of a group of people.
- Make use of organized singles events in your area that are specifically organized by the larger online dating services.
- If you are meeting with someone, you'll probably be nervous. Never drink alcohol to calm your nerves. Make sure your powers of judgment remain clearly focused throughout.
- Always be weary of bits of information that seem too good to be true.
- Never be persuaded to do anything you're not completely comfortable with.
Use good common sense throughout and you shouldn't have any problems. The larger dating services such as those featured on the front page of this site really do work very hard to insure that they provide a safe environment for you to enjoy. You are also likely to be provided with more information on insuring your safety after you've joined. Be sure to read it all with care. Enjoy online dating! Let's get on with things...
Choosing A Dating Site :
The first thing you should do is work out what the target audience of the dating service is. This is really important because you’re going to be using the service to meet new people. Perhaps more importantly, other people will be using the service to meet you! Your profile (we’ll talk about profiles later) will help to ensure that the people who decide to get in contact with you are actually “your kind of people.” But if you can work out what kind of people the dating site is attracting in the first place, you’re already half way there.
For example, if you’re a younger person the likelihood is that you’ll be looking to meet people around a similar age to yourself. In our example, you wouldn’t want to then be joining a site that is mostly used by old age pensioners, would you!
So how do you go about working out a site’s target audience? Well, luckily this is often done for you in reviews that feature in web sites such as this. However, age isn’t the only factor, and it’s impossible for us to tell exactly what you find desirable in a potential partner. The best thing you can do is to actually take a look at the sites yourself and see if the people that are currently using it appeal to you.
You should also be aware of where the majority of members are located. Unless you’re willing to have a long distance relationship (maybe the other side of the world!) then make sure there’re enough users from your home area. If you live in America, then it’s pretty safe to say that there will be. Best to check none the less.
Number of Members
This is a major consideration. It’s simple: the more users there are, the more selection you’ll have! Returning to the point made above, a large number of members also means that there is likely to be more users from your own home town. It’s not uncommon for online dating services to to have in excess of 1 million users. That’s a lot of people! You may even discover that someone you know is using the same dating site. Think that’s unlikely? Well, you’d be surprised!
Creating A Profile :
Your profile is your online persona as far as other users of an online dating service is concerned. You've heard of first impressions being important, right? Well, your profile will be the first impression that you create if someone finds you on a dating site. Even if you're an ugly no-hoper, hopefully this article will help you to create a profile that will have people flocking to contact you.
Contact Information
Hopefully you've already read the first part of this dating guide referring to safety. If not, please head on back and take the time to read through it. It's not a long article and only in fact lists key points to consider that will keep you safe.
It is however worth reiterating here that you should not give out any contact information along with your profile. Most quality dating services will guard against this anyway, because they too want to keep you safe. However, there may be some that don't check all new profiles by hand and so it is worth mentioning here.
You may also want to consider creating a separate email account to use with the dating services. You'll probably be surprised at how much you will end up using this account once the ball gets rolling! It helps to keep all your dating related emails separate, in the interest of organization (anyone know what that is?!). As your email account will likely be your primary source of communication with the dating service a separate one specifically used for this purpose can really be handy. Setting up new email accounts is easy these days. Just make use of a free email hosting services such as hotmail or Yahoo! Etc.
Choosing Your Picture :
Just as your profile is the first thing people will see when they find you on a dating site, your picture is the first aspect people will notice about your profile. A bad picture can in fact cause people to completely ignore your profile altogether. Whilst this article isn't a lesson in photography, some basic tips will help you get it right.
Whatever you do, if you can possibly avoid it, don't use a passport photo. As you're most likely aware, these pretty much always turn out looking terrible. Of course, if you do happen to strike it lucky and yours looks ok then there's no reason why you shouldn't use it.
Avoid the temptation to pull a stupid face to cover up any insecurities. Just be yourself, but of course pick your best side! Whilst we're on composition, try not to take a photo of your face that's straight on. Instead, turn almost side on to the camera and then turn your face towards the camera. This will stop your face from looking like a big moon!
Now -- a word on lighting. The best lighting for your picture is not too harsh but not too dull. What this basically means is that direct sunlight is not very flattering. Ever wondered why photographers use those reflective umbrellas? They're used to spread and soften the light. Similarly, make sure there's enough light in the first place. If you can avoid it try not to take the photo in a situation where you have to use a flash. Small flashes on compact cameras often spoil what would have been a good photo in daylight. The light from a window can result in a good photo.
So what do you actually do with yourself whilst the photograph is being taken? Well, obviously, smiling helps. No - not a cheesy grin, a smile! Get someone that makes you laugh to take the photo.
Don't go over the top with the flirting. By all means, show some flesh and look sexy but keep it to a level you're comfortable with. Though, this "X-factor" obviously depends on what you want from the experience and the type of person you want to attract! However, if you're male - you'll have more luck if you don't mention sex at all in your profile!
I would suggest buying a film and getting your friend to fill the whole thing with photos of you. One of the photos, if you follow the tips above, is bound to turn out pretty nice. Professional photographers will take loads of photos of the same thing in varying situations with the hope that one of them will turn out just right. If it works for them, it can work for you. Maybe not on the same level, but you may get close! Oh and if you have a digital camera, then put it to good use.
Then again, if you can afford a professional photographer to take a few photographs of you, then this is probably the most reliable method of getting a photo that you (and other people!) will like. However, make sure the photographer understands that you want it to look "natural." Otherwise you run the risk of looking like a professional model and people will think you've just cut a picture out of a magazine or something!
If you don't have a digital camera, scanner or webcam then you might find it hard getting your photo on your computer ready for uploading. Worry not! Some dating services will scan your photo in for you. Just send it to them in the post. Be careful though, because not all sites will offer this service. If you think you will need something like this then be sure to find out first.
Alternatively, some photo-processing shops will now put your photographs onto a CDROM for you, which you can then obviously use to upload your chosen snap to the dating service.
Creating A Description :
A lot of dating services will allow you to write your own "opening line" that is sometimes used as a link into your more detailed profile from a search results page. This, like your picture, could mean the difference between people clicking it to read more about you or, worst case, simply ignoring it.
Obviously we want to go for the more preferable "click" option! So it's important to write this so people simply can't resist wanting to know more about you. To help ensure this, try to write something that will catch someone's attention, but still has an air of mystique about it.
Be Honest
Yes, make yourself appear desirable but, as they say, keep it real! For example, if you're not a millionaire, don't even be tempted to say you are. Building yourself up like that to other people will only bring things crashing down in the future. That said - make sure you don't sound too boring.
People must be able to gage your real character from just looking at your profile. It's important that your answers to the questions the dating service ask are honest for a load of reasons. The main one being that your answers will be used in any match making processes that the dating site may use. So unless you want to be matched with someone completely wrong for you, don't lie… too much!
Whilst remaining honest, remember that you do actually want to appear attractive to people! The best thing for this is to inject some humor into your answers. Also, try to sound excited about the whole process. Even if you're not (you should be!) this excitement is contagious and will be really encouraging to anyone contemplating contacting you.
